We used to watch Coronation Street a lot at home in Liverpool. I remember one episode where Sean and the girls were crowding around in the knicker shop talking about a new potential love interest on the cobbles who was rumoured to be bisexual. While I don’t remember the plot-line, I do remember Sean saying, ‘well you know how it goes- bi now, gay later!’
A funny little one liner that was intended to be glib informed my view of bisexuality for most of my early teens and is indicative of how lots of pieces of misinformation and assumptions have been quite damaging for the community. For me, there hasn’t been one ultimate reveal for what it means to be bisexual; rather this has been built over time based on my own experiences and understanding of how the definition has developed. Therefore, it is best to begin with an agreed definition and then progress to the nuances (see bi-erasure).
The LGBT Foundation defines bisexuality as:
Someone who is attracted to people of the same gender or other genders.
Others may prefer the term Pansexual (someone who is emotionally, sexually, and/or physically attracted to others regardless of gender identity). Unfortunately for many it doesn’t matter as the 2020 Stonewall Bi Report found that just 36% bi people come out to all of their friends, 20% to all their family and 22% to everyone they work with. These figures are comparable to the experience of gay/lesbian people which are 74%, 63% and 57% respectively.
So, what does it mean to be Bi?
Accepting your bisexuality is liberating when you feel you are being understood, respected and listened to (and celebrated!). For most queer folk this comes at the very least, from the queer community. Unfortunately for bisexual people, biphobia can come both from straight people, and queer people. From personal experience there are commonalities in response - ironically ‘it’s just a phase/ you’ll be gay/straight again one day’.
In 2020 Stonewall published the LGBT in Britain-Bi Report which investigates the experiences of bi people and demonstrates how specifically biphobic prejudices such as disregarding bi people's understanding of their own orientation, or assuming that all bi people are promiscuous- lead to significantly higher levels of reported discrimination and shame.
“But you’re a woman with a boyfriend so you must be heterosexual.”
“Bisexual people can’t make up their mind and can’t commit to a serious relationship.”
“Bisexuality isn’t a real thing, it’s just a steppingstone to being gay.”
These kinds of comments, while seemingly innocent or playful, contribute to bi erasure. Bisexual erasure or bisexual invisibility is a pervasive problem in which the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality (either in general or in regard to an individual) is questioned or denied outright (GLAAD.org). An example of this could be the fetishisation of bisexuality in women but disregard of bisexuality in men (#BisexualMenExist) or referring to a same sex couple as a ‘homosexual couple’ when one of them identifies as bi.
In terms of the workplace, coming out can involve an extra burden of explaining yourself to people that many bi people just don’t want. For example, as a woman in a heterosexual presenting relationship it would be assumed that I am straight but actually bisexuality doesn’t go away. While there is catharsis in coming out, it can sometimes feel like you’re going back in, and out, and in and out again. So much so that it’s in most cases easier to just not talk about it. Mostly, this is to do with the issue of assumptions and the extra motivation required to argue for legitimacy.
How do we overcome this?
Be an ally to bisexual people in social and professional environments. There are several ways you can do this:
- Firstly, by believing that bisexuality exists!
- By not making assumptions when speaking to people about their respective others (use inclusive language and don’t assume sexuality based on someone’s partner).
- Recognising and challenging biphobia
- Make spaces inclusive (whether LGBT or workplace)
- Support bi organisations and campaigns
- Uplift and support marginalised bi people
….and celebrate it!
Bisexual Awareness Week, also known as #BiWeek, is an annual celebration held in September, from September 16 through the 23. It is an extension of Bi Visibility Day, held annually on 23 September since 1999.
